Golf Quotes
- Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine
pill around a cow pasture."
- Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful
partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep
the fresh air and the round of golf."
- Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this
game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich
that neither of their husbands work."
- Unknown: "Golf is not a game; it's bondage. It was
obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to
atone for his sins."
- Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get
3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on
the golf course."
- Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in
1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider
the course."
- Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad,
but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
- Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold
my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."
- Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell
"fore," shoot six, and write down five."
- Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players:
"They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong.
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that
you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it."
- Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two
to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short
space of two to forty feet."
- Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only
things you can enjoy without being good at."
- Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new
people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."
- Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course
during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a
1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
- Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing
one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux
Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."
- John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and
the child. Just how childlike golf players become is
proven by their frequent inability to count past
five."
- "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us
golf and called it a game are the same people who gave
us bag pipes and called it music."
- Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations
by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an
eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."
- P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the
links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of
butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
- Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning
starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play
through, let Him."
- Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run
over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the
center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything
has got to be right over second base."
- Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the
Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum
before I teed off. I shot the happiest
83 of my life."
- Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's
still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf
tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge
and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
- Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous
high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds,
asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot
of about 155 yards. His caddie said, "I'd say either a
3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of
stupid choice is that?"
"Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir,"
said the caddie.