Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Here are the rules from the male side.

  1. Men are not mind readers.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. We need it up, you need it down. If it's up, just put it down and do your business. We don't need a report about what position it was left in. We don't complain when you leave it down; please return the favor.
  3. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  4. Shopping is not a sport. We are never going to think of it that way.
  5. Econ 101: Buying something you don't need "on sale" is not "saving money". In fact, buying ANYTHING is not "saving money". Unless it has to do with cars, power tools, TV or stereo systems, or sporting goods (including guns).
  6. Crying is blackmail.
  7. Men don't do hints. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
  8. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  9. Come to us with a problem only if you want to be told exactly how to solve it. Then take our advice. Exactly.
  10. Men don't do sympathy. If you want sympathy, that's what your girl friends are for.
  11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See your doctor.
  12. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
  13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. If you ask us what we think, we'll tell the truth, so it's probably best just not to ask.
  15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  18. Christopher Columbus didn't stop and ask for directions. We don't either.
  19. Take a map reading lesson. Lesson 1: Always hold the map so north is at the top. If you need to know which way north is, ask us. We always know.
  20. Men see in only 16 colors, (the Windows Default Color settings). Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  21. If it itches, it will be scratched. Men do that.
  22. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. (We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.)
  23. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  25. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or golf.
  26. You have enough clothes (and so do we).
  27. You have way too many shoes.
  28. Round IS a shape, therefore, I am in shape.