Based on recent events involving the vice-president and his questionable hunting practices, the following bill is proposed to clear up any legal questions pertaining to future harvesting of attorneys:
§ 370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and Sport (non-commercial) purposes.
§ 370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
§ 370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
§ 370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.
§ 370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
§ 370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE," or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
§ 370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons.
§ 370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.
§ 370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.
§ 370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
§ 370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4;
NOTE: Honest attorneys remain protected under The Endangered Species Act.