Political Correctness

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

  1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
  2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
  3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
  4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
  5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
  6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED"
  7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
  8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
  9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
  10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
  11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
  12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

  1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
  2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
  3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
  4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
  5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
  6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
  7. He does not act like a "TOTAL A - S - S" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
  8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
  9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
  10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
  11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"