1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
  2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
  3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
  4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
  5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
  6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
  7. A "gimmie" can best defined as an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
  8. An interesting note about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
  9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
  10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
  11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimmie putt," you might wish to reconsider this game.
  12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
  13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
  14. Golf is like a marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work...and both are expensive.
  15. The best wood in most amateurs bags is the pencil.
  16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
  17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five."
  18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
  19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
  20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
  21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

New book on golf coming out that you might need:

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th...

Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome

Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 15 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt

Chapter 16 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever

Chapter 17 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 18 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer From The Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip, But Will Balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender.......

Matching hat and skirt: $200

The Latest Hot sunglasses: $100

Nike Endorsements: $10,000,000

Having a special place to hold your putter.