Great Quotes #1
- Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
~Lillian Carter~ (mother of Jimmy Carter)
- I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible.
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir. Mighty scarce.
- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then, she stops to breathe.
- The male is a domestic animal which if treated with firmness and kindness can be trained to do most things.
- I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor~
- Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- I am opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
- Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith~
- I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- I never drink water. Fish fuck in it.
- We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.