Etiquette Guidelines for Rednecks
- Never take a beer to an interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
- Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to
drive a U-haul to the funeral.
- When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper
cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
Entertaining in your home
- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in
private using one's own truck keys.
- Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
- Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to
distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
- Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago.
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the
man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
- Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.. Tests have proven
that they can't hear you.
- Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
- For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummberbund and
a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
- Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded
and the deer is in sight.
- When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
does not always have the right of way.
- Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession