T-Tail-Tall-Tail:
Do you Like Beer?
Tim Driscoll
This story is 100% true and happened just as I'm
about to describe.
I was flying a VOLANT Silver mission (Vice
Presidential Support) for the
then Vice President George Bush. It was August 1983
and we had a fantastic
mission schedule and were eagerly looking forward to
this mission. This mission
was the advance team for a to-be-later scheduled
state visit by the VP. We all
flew in civilian clothes, only 16 people on the
plane the whole trip and we
were configured for DVs with sleeping bunks, bar
pallet, and conference tables.
It was a sweet set up. The first stop was Morocco
where we spent our first
night in Rabat in a 5-star hotel. We ate, drank and
rested very well and our
next day's mission was an easy flight to Fez,
Morocco and then on to Marrakech
for another night of crew rest. We parked and shut
down and the DVs departed
for their coordination meetings within the city with
State Department, CIA,
National Security Agency and various other cronies
in tow. By the way these
guys were all great on the plane, had a good time
with them.
The other loadmaster and I decided we needed to empty
the latrine because it
was reeking badly and had been sitting in the hot
Moroccan sun for two days.
The comfort pallet was doing OK but the latrine was
bad. I ask one of the
"Rockin Moroccan" flight line workers (I called him
Skippy) if they had a
latrine servicing cart and sure enough they had one.
It was a civilian version
and it was very low profile made to be used with
commercial jets and gravity
fed to drain their tanks. Of course, we Starlifter
guys were used to the Turd
Hearse using its suck and blow method to service the
latrine, but I figured hey
this guy knows what he's doing let him have at it.
WRONG!
He attached the hose and everything seemed fine but
we were not getting any flow and the tank was not
emptying. We quickly
realized the "contents" was
backed up in the hose and because the cart was
essentially on even keel with
tank opening it was never going to drain. So,
"Skippy" the Moroccan gets up
near the connection to the airplane and starts
maneuvering the hose to try and
create motion so the "contents" would begin to
drain. Well it started to work
slowly but surely and he picked up speed in his
manipulation of the hose and
suddenly the hose broke completely free from the
aircraft connection and poor
"Skippy" was covered in "contents" from the latrine.
Well, it was all I could
do to contain my laughter as he jumped up and turned
toward me to run away. He
looked normal on the left and a "smurf-like" blue
color on the right side of
his body with bits and pieces of "who knows what" in
his hair and all over his
clothes. But the bad part for us was the "contents"
started to pool around the
crew entrance ladder and the DVs were due back in
about 30 minutes.
The other loadmaster and I suddenly realized it
wasn't funny any more and we
wiped the "shit-eating" grins off of our faces and
quickly tried to figure out
what to do. All the while "Skippy" is swearing to
Allah about his "content"
covered clothing and new blue hairdo and he is in no
mood to discuss any
options. We then spot another cart sitting off to
the side and it is of all
things a water cart complete with hand pump and
about 6 feet of hose. I
desperately tried to communicate with Skippy that we
needed to use the cart and
clean up the area quickly. But to no avail he was
one pissed off dude and
didn't want anything to do with us at the time. It
was then that I had an
epiphany and went into action.
I ran into the airplane and grabbed a six-pack of
beer from the bar stash we
had. I stood at the top of the ladder and yelled to
him "Do you like Beer?" He
said "what" and repeated "do you like beer?" He then
noticed the six pack I was
holding up and then with the biggest smile and his
eyes went wide he yelled
"BUDWEISER?"
I said "Yes, it's Budweiser" and motioned the beer
for the cart hand
gestures. He quickly pulled the cart over and we
began our clean up efforts. I
wish I could have taken a picture, to see him
sitting on top of the cart just
under the wing (in the shade) kicked back feet
crossed and 5 beers in his lap
and his head tilted back downing the first beer. I
was behind him pumping the
hand pump furiously has he lazily sprayed the water
at the base of the ladder
to wash away the "contents" from the earlier
accident. I guess he earned the
beer that day. In a few short minutes we had
everything cleaned up, except
Skippy of course!
Needless to say we saved the day and the mess was
gone before the DVs came
back and they were never aware of what happened.
Skippy got drunk that day and
I'm sure had a hard time explaining to his wife
where the new blue perfume came
from. It was an interesting day to say the least and
the rest of the trip had
some other adventures too.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Regards, Tim Driscoll (CMSgt, USAF, ret)